Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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