Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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