his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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