hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
