I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
