Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
