3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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