well you can't waste a boner
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
