I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
