During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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