I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
