she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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