I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't deserve a penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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