I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
