I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
