I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
