absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
