Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
