You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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