Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my poor anus
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
