my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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