Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
