Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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