I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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