Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have tasted many bathrooms
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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