I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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