I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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