got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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