so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
