Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
the raccoons are back...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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