i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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