it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
