just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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