Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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