I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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