I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
