the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
