I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My dad just said "fuck circus"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
