just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
