woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
