I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
