What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
