I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
