And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
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Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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