i think my mom watched the whole time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
