Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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