Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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