No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
