Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
