I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
vagina is talking i cant
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
