i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
