Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
