i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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