ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize