Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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