This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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