My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
