I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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