ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
