My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
