this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
