do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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