RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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