Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
