Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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