I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I sprained my soul last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
