Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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