Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
