Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
