If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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