pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
