you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
