i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
