This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
