glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
