White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
