Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
