I could make wine with my vomit
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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