i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to calm my uterus...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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