i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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