i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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