If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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