I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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