Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
