he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
