So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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