What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
